oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
