Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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