hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You took a bar mat shot.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
