my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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