I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Every concussion has its silver lining
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
