You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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