happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize