I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
