like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
