I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
