i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
