If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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