that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
