If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
