So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Hippo gnu deer
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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