I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How external is "for external use only"?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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