Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
there was a trapeze. enough said
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
