Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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