I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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