rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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