just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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