I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
