i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
