sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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