Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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