i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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