haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Randomize
