She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just gift wrapped bread.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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