i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
