It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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