Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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