i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
