So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
