I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
