I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
