found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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