Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
