Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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