Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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