I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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