So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We're too hungover to prance.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
