Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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