you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
