I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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