Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
