How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
