I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
