Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
