my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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