I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
When are your genitals available?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
