I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
