And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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