Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
