We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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