I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
