But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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