I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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