Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize