We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
