thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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