i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
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What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
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You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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