miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
