is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
