She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
