The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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