Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
