Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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