my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
there was a trapeze. enough said
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
