I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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