I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
