It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
