I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
