I think scott just propositioned me for sex
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
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