i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
