Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
