I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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