I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
