What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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