my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
