I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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