You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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