Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
