Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
