YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
