I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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