bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
