Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
