i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
