Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
