Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you will always have a special place in my vag
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
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